Were You Made To Be Single?
Somewhere along the way, we absorbed the idea that singleness is a problem to be solved. That if you’re not married, or at least desperately trying to be, something must be wrong about you. We were taught that adulthood moves in one direction—date, marry, have sex, raise kids, repeat. And if you step off that path, you owe the world an explanation.
But what if singleness isn’t a failure of becoming? What if, for some people, it’s the destination?
Everything that happens in our lives, the good and the bad, forms us. It shapes our beliefs, our instincts, and our sense of identity. God does not stand aloof from this process. He allows these things to happen purposefully. Your political leanings didn’t appear out of nowhere. Your views on abortion, guns, faith, or culture weren’t formed in a vacuum. They were shaped by real experiences, real people, real wounds, and real hopes. The reasons you give for why you believe something are valid. That doesn’t mean every belief is correct, but it does mean your identity didn’t arise without reason.
So, if you find yourself asking:
Is it okay if I never get married?
What if I don’t want to have sex—like, ever?
What if the life everyone else seems to want doesn’t stir anything in me?
Those questions aren’t signs that something is broken. They might be signs that something is being revealed.
In Christian circles especially, we often assume that anything unusual must be cured. Pray it away. Fast it away. Fix it. Of course, we’re called to conversion. We should strive for holiness. We should ask God to strip away what’s sinful or disordered. But not every difference is a defect. Sometimes we confuse calling with conformity. I was raised in the evangelical tradition, where I believed that you could have the best of both worlds—be fully devoted to the Church and fully devoted to a family, with little cost to either. But watching my father live that life changed my mind. He was a pastor to a church family and a husband and father to his own family, and it was… difficult. The emotional, spiritual, and practical demands pulled him in opposite directions. It often felt like God hadn’t intended one person to do both. I’m not bagging on my dad, I’m a husband, father and small business owner and the majority of the time one of those roles takes from the other. And this isn’t an argument against marriage or family, it’s an argument for honesty. Some vocations demand a kind of availability that marriage simply doesn’t allow.
Scripture doesn’t treat marriage as the universal Christian endgame. Jesus Himself says there are those who “have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:12). St. Paul goes even further, saying that while marriage is good, singleness allows for an undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7).
The Catholic Church has always understood this. Priests. Nuns. Religious brothers and sisters. Consecrated virgins. Celibate servants of the Church. These aren’t consolation prizes for people who couldn’t “make it” in the dating world. They are vocations—necessary ones. And here’s the truth: the Church needs single people. Not eventually. Not temporarily. Now.
When Christian communities elevate marriage as the only meaningful adult vocation, single and celibate people are left homeless. Not spiritually homeless, but vocationally. They feel like they’re waiting in a hallway that leads nowhere. Without a clear calling, singleness turns into loneliness. But that doesn’t mean the answer is to push everyone toward marriage. It means we’ve failed to honor and articulate the call to dedicated, lifelong singleness.
Maybe You Were Made to Be Single? This idea makes people nervous. But consider it seriously.
Maybe some men are called to celibate priesthood.
Maybe some women are called to give their lives to the Church without becoming wives or mothers.
Maybe some people are meant to be free in a way marriage doesn’t allow. Free to serve, to move, to pour themselves out without reserve.
This doesn’t make marriage lesser. It makes vocations distinct. We are not all made to be married, but we are all made for love, purpose, and self-gift. For some, that gift is given to a spouse and children. For others, it’s given directly to God and His Church. And that is not a tragedy. It’s a calling.
So, if you’re single and wondering if you missed your chance, what if you’re now just realizing God’s calling for you?
